I had other plans for this week's post, but I had a revelation at 4 o'clock this morning and it just couldn't wait.
Let me start by saying that I've barely slept this week, and so if this post ends up not making sense, I'm really sorry. However, in my delirium I've remembered something REALLY important.
I asked for this.
Y'all. Years ago, when God and I were really just getting started, I said a prayer to Him. I asked Him to reveal Himself to me in every single way possible. I wanted to know what He thought of me, what He had planned for me, who He was and what He did and why I should care.
I remember asking Him to make me so extremely uncomfortable any and every time that I was outside of His will or if it was time to do something new.
And here's where it gets crazy--I 100% remember asking Him to take away my sleep in order to make His will happen.
UMM. Let me just pause here and say that the last time I lost sleep I resolved to become a business partner at a dance studio. The time before that I was being geared up for Uganda. The time before that I think was deciding to graduate early, but it also could've been something to do with leading a bible study because I don't know which came first. Regardless, big things happen for this girl when she can't sleep (Delirium or divine intervention? I'll let you be the judge.).
This wasn't a prayer that I said just once, either. I remember praying it out quite a bit my sophomore and junior year of college. If you know me, you know that I am a very deep sleeper, and so I thought that lack of sleep would be a sure-fire way for me to stay in His will and walk in His ways. I'm not even joking.
And here He is, answering my prayers by taking away my sleep.
It's amazing to me that I had forgotten about this prayer until this morning. What's even more amazing is that God will never forget anything I say to Him. Every single prayer, spoken or unspoken, is not only going to be remembered by Him, but answered by Him.
I'm reminded of a passage of Scripture that I think I've shared on here before:
"Another angel, with a gold incense burner, came and stood at the altar. He was given a large amount of incense to offer with the prayers of all the saints on the gold altar in front of the throne. The smoke of the incense, with the prayers of the saints, went up in the presence of God from the angel's hand. The angel took the incense burner, filled it with fire from the altar, and hurled it to the earth; there were rumblings of thunder, flashes of lightning, and an earthquake." --Revelation 8:3-5
I don't remember which pastor it was who said this, but I have a quote written in my Bible next to this passage: "Your prayers are marinating on the hearth of God until it is time to hurl them back to earth."
That's only one interpretation (Revelation kind of freaks me out because it's all about vision and prophecy and there are so many different ways to look at it and I'm just not sure), but regardless, that's good stuff, y'all. My prayers, spoken literally 2+ years ago, have been marinating until it was time for them to be answered. God doesn't always answer right away, but He waits for the perfect moment. I like to think that God thrives off the drama, that He gives us a big drumroll right before the big things happen. (I also just want to point out that as I'm writing this there is a raging storm outside my window, just like in verse 5. Am I over-spiritualizing this moment? Probably a little, but who cares.)
So here I am, leading #teamnosleep, pretty much clueless (okay, I might have a few ideas) as to what's about to happen. But also, here I am, letting tears of joy fall onto my keyboard, remembering the faithfulness of God in His answering prayers. Let's be real, it might not be as big of a deal this time around as it was last time, or the time before that. But if I can't sleep I know it's a big deal to God, and so it's a big deal to me.
He wants to hear from us, y'all. He wants to hear from us, and He wants us to hear from Him. I needed that reminder today, and I feel like you might, too.