The beginning of the end.
I wasn't really expecting for so many parts of my life to end when I came to know Jesus. There are so many pieces of my heart that were attached to certain people, certain material objects, certain ideas that I wanted to achieve. Now I know that those pieces of me have been completely absorbed by the love and grace of a Savior who surpasses it all.
Growing up, I knew what it was like to go to church and serve in my community, but I didn't have a solid comprehension of the gospel or how it applied to my life. My parents, who are the most wonderful people ever, taught me how to stand up and stand out. I was raised on morals, good ones, and I knew at a very young age that being kind was always better than being right.
But there was an emptiness, a hole in my heart that was just too big to fill. Believe me I tried, with extracurriculars and accomplishments and titles and perceptions. I was striving to be and do it all, and time and time again I let myself down.
Everything changed during my first year of college, where I fell into a small group of girls who just oozed with sweetness. They were selfless, kind, caring, strong and everything that I thought I was. They didn't just teach me about Jesus, but they showed me who He was and is and always will be. They didn't love others because it was the right thing to do. They loved others because the Creator of the universe first loved them. It was radical, unfathomable, breathtaking beauty.
By the end of my freshman year, I knew exactly what the gospel was, and I knew I wanted in. I was exhausted from chasing after things that would never satisfy. There was NO way that I was going to drag my feet one more step through this world without the One who created it. I wanted to see what He sees, both in myself and in others. And so I gave my life to Him, forever and always.
I've lost a lot since then. I've lost a love for accomplishment, a love for being seen, a love for competing and getting ahead. But oh, how much love I have gained. I've gained a love for God's people, a love for His Word and His plans. I've discovered what it looks like to live free, full of grace and mercy and compassion that only the Father can provide. It's been messy, gritty, and far from perfect. But I know that He satisfies the needs of my heart, even when I don't want to hear it.
"When I considered all that I had accomplished and what I had labored to achieve, I found everything to be futile and a pursuit of the wind. There was nothing to be gained under the sun." Ecclesiastes 2:11
At first glance, this verse seems depressing and ugly and not at all what the world would have us believe. But after a lot of trial and error, I've come to find that this statement is truth, and that anything I can do on my own is useless. Useless because I am useless without my King, and if He is not given the glory, then there simply is no point.
I want Jesus to be the point of my life. After all, I gave my life to Him to keep, with no intentions of taking it back. It is my prayer that this blog will bring Him glory and honor through all of my days. I hope that you will be willing to walk with me as I navigate His artistic vision for this world.