It's crazy to think that two months ago today I was just arriving in Kampala. It's just as crazy to think that two months from today I will be snug as a bug in my own bed, back in East Tennessee.
I don't know how to feel.
This journey so far has been wonderful and terrible and joy-filled and heartbreaking all at the same time. There have been days where I have been over the moon excited to be here, knowing exactly what my purpose is. There have been other days when I literally have no idea why God dragged me all the way out here, and I'm a little miffed at Him for making me come.
But then I have to give myself a heart check and remember that He absolutely did not make me come to Uganda. That was my choice. I could have decided differently and gone down a path that He didn't painstakingly, care-fully prepare for me. But that road would have been much darker.
God is with me wherever I go. There's no denying that. And even if I chose not to come to Uganda, He would still be with me, and He would use me no matter where I was. He decided to love me before the foundation of the world, before I made the right choices or my many, many wrong ones.
Despite the fact that I feel confused about why I am here, I go to bed every evening, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that this is where I am supposed to be. This is His best. Anything else would be lackluster. And if I never find out the specific reason why God led me here, that will just have to be okay. He doesn't always reveal those things, and that is okay.
Whenever my dad and I go up into the mountains to hike, I always make extra sure that I step exactly where he steps. This is most noticeable when it snows, and I sink my feet into the bigger bootprints that he left for me to follow.
That's how I feel about Jesus. He is going before me, laying out the path that I am to take, leaving footprints along the way for me to step in to. Here in Uganda those footprints are made from red mud, but you get the idea.
Sometimes the footprints get really far apart and I have to stretch my legs as far as they can go before I reach the next one. Sometimes His footprints get confused with the input of many others on the road, which become distracting. Sometimes the rain washes away the footprints and I don't see where to go. Sometimes the prints are undeniably clear, but it's the leading of my own feet that pull me away.
But still, I walk. One foot in front of the other, sometimes stretching, sometimes tiptoeing, sometimes the right way, sometimes very much the wrong way. But still, I walk.
God loves me unconditionally, whether or not I follow His footsteps. He is with me, no matter what. But it makes Him so happy to see me following Him, stepping into the places He worked so hard to prepare for me. And when He is happy, I am so, so happy.
So while I know that I may not always get it right, I know that it is worth it to try to step obediently. I am continuing to wait, to listen, to cling to the path that He has prepared. I hope you'll do the same.
PRAYER REQUESTS
The UDM move is here! Our last church service at the Palace was yesterday, and we now have 10 days to transition to the new property. Please pray that the Lord would make it happen, and that He would bless the new land that we are moving to.
On Saturday our home fellowship group participated in outreach at a university hostel. It was wonderful to utilize what we've been discussing about loving our neighbors! Please pray that our group would continue to feel burdened to do so, and we would listen for the gospel needs in our area.
Please pray for me now that my time is counting down in Uganda. Pray that the Lord would continue to use me where I am and prepare me for the transition home.